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Do We See the Same Thing?

Social signals in a group conversation — for and with autistic people. Explore the layer beneath the words.

One Conversation — Two Experiences

The same exchange, but what does each group member see? Click a perspective to see which social layers are or aren't picked up.

Tone / mood
Context
Emotion
Implied message
You see all social signals in this conversation — tone, context, emotion and what is implied but not said.

Perception Radar

How sharply does each group member pick up social signals? Each axis represents a dimension of social perception. Not as a judgement — as a map.

Differences in the radar do not mean more or less value — they show where someone enters an interaction differently. That makes understanding possible.

What Goes Unnoticed?

These are the social signals that are constantly present in a group conversation. For some they are obvious, for others invisible.

🔊

Paralinguistic Tone

The way something is said — speed, pitch, pauses — carries a message separate from the words.

"Well... that's interesting." spoken flatly → irony or distance, not admiration.
🔄

Reciprocity

Conversations are an exchange: asking questions, responding to what the other shares, giving space. When that's missing it feels like a monologue.

Someone shares about loss. A response about your own anecdote without acknowledgement feels cold — even if that wasn't the intention.
🗺

Contextual Memory

Groups build a shared story. Those who miss the context miss references and dynamics from earlier interactions.

"We always do it that way" — if you don't have that shared history, you don't understand the tension around such a remark.
💬

Implied messagepen

What is meant is not in the words. "Maybe we should take a break" can mean: I'm exhausted, we need to stop.

"You don't have to do that" = please don't.
😶

Non-verbal Signals

Facial expressions, body posture and eye contact guide the flow of conversation and signal how someone is doing.

Eyes downcast + silence = someone wants space. This is not always consciously visible to everyone.

Group Dynamics

Who has the floor now? Who is tense? What undercurrent is playing? This energy is always present but not always explicit.

Two people are silent towards each other. The group knows: something is up. For an outsider the conversation is just quiet.

Building the Bridge

How do you help a group member who misses social signals, without causing harm — and how do you help the group understand what's happening?

Name the pattern, not the person

Don't say "you don't understand" — make the pattern visible as something in the communication, not in someone's identity.

✓ "I notice we sometimes talk past each other. Shall we be more explicit?"
✗ "You don't get what we mean."

Make the implicit explicit — structurally

Build the habit of translating subtext into the group. Not as an exception for one person, but as a group norm.

✓ "What I actually mean is: I need some space."
✗ Expecting everyone to pick up the hint.

Use visual or written anchor points

A shared document, a brief summary after a conversation, or a fixed reflection moment help build shared understanding.

✓ "Let's briefly summarise what everyone took away after the conversation."
✗ Assuming that being present = understanding.

Allow time for processing

Social processing takes more time for some. A moment of silence, a check-in round, or the option to respond later helps.

✓ "Does anyone need a moment to respond?"
✗ Continuing when someone has gone quiet, assuming everything is fine.

Recognise that this is a two-way street

The group can learn too: what feels logical to you that might be unfollowable for others? Vulnerability is mutual.

✓ "Help me understand how you experienced this conversation."
✗ Only letting the other person "do the learning".